Not Dead Yet

“In Your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them” (Psalm 139:16).

Death came prowling last Friday, a dark intruder on a rainy winter’s night. The cold mist merged with the street light and the flashing red and orange of emergency vehicles. We didn’t know for sure that a heart attack was actually under way and rapidly turning into a monster, but it was.

Honestly, I was expecting something more surreal, more suspect, and more sinister, than the clarity of those moments as the EMT’s drove me to the hospital. So near to death, and soon to experience heart failure three times in the cardiac catheterization operating suite, yet I had no light at the end of the tunnel experience. There were just the bright lights of the ambulance ceiling looking down at me as my escort speeded along.

There is no reason that I survived this deadly crisis except that God wasn’t ready for me yet. He used amazingly talented and dedicated professionals to keep me here until some other day of His choosing. Life will never be the same, obviously. What death couldn’t do a few days ago, discouragement wants to do now. But, God is in charge, not circumstances, nor prognosis, nor fear.

Jesus is the only light I need to live a better life. He is the strength I need and the purpose for each day. Whether I have one more day, or a thousand more days, each one is precious and unique in God’s sight.

And for that I praise and thank Him deeply.